halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
