I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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