i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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