I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
high people should be assigned attendants
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
