Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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