im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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