im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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