no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize