i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
