where does the pee come out of this thing
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
