Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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