alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
