I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
