He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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