when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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