I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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