I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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