Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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