so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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