I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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