i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
