Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
