So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The air was thick with penises
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize