if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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