youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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