i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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