I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
