I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
my liver is dry heaving
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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