Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
