So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
