your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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