That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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