Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He shit in the fireplace
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
