what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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