I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
