Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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