We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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