am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
