i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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