Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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