Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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