shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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