I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
