He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
