We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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