My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
