My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
