He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
