yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
