I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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