I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the condom got lost in my hair
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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