He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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