I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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