i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
