I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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