Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
