No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
