The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize