Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
