I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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