Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The feeling are messing with the penis
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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