i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Rumble strips road head = magical
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
