she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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