it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
