Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
