i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
