if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
