Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
