the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
