this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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