I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize