Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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