There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
