Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to cum in my sink.
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