his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
