My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
