4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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