Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
