Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize