Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
