So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
